Sickness... Blech

Do you remember the last time you were sick? Do you remember how annoying that headache was and how you didn't feel like doing anything? This isn't the not doing anything where you play games. This is the not doing anything where sleep sounds like an exhausting activity. This is what plagues me currently. I have no incentive to do anything, but a 9AM quiz pulled me out of my room. Rargh.

So being sick really sucks. And on top of that it's hot. I guess sweating out all the bad stuff isn't so bad, but I'm also terribly dehydrated constantly. I guess you take the good with the bad and I'm certainly getting a lot of good. I guess that's what happens when you get all that tons of bad like I did this summer. But thinking back on it, I really would be missing this good. I'm glad that shit went down, cause it certainly came back up! And that sounded worse than I intended...

Anyways! I hope to get better soon, cause I like doing things. Anything at all would be nice. I just don't wanna be bedridden anymore.

While(Lukas.has(girlfriend)){productivity--}

I guess it isn't a bad thing to want to put all of your free time and effort into another person, but it really makes it hard to do anything else. I can't imagine telling her that I would rather play a game or write up some random thoughts. I would just feel bad. It would seem to me like ignoring her, even though that's not what I'm doing. I have this guilt issue. I am a gentleman because I would be guilty if I wasn't. It's just the way I was raised. I like the fact that my parents raised me this way. It's not that I like feeling guilty, but rather that I like feeling this overarching necessity to do good, even when no one is watching. I suppose it would be strange to many people who are of the moral opinion that it isn't who you are, but how people view you. I just believe that I am better as a person for being good no matter what the situation. I also think that it's heavily in my honest nature. I am continuously honest. Since I can't lie about who I am, I have to be who I want to be, rather than putting up that front. I guess it all depends on standpoints and such things. It's very easy for many people to be selfish when there's no good reason not to. I guess that actually makes me irrational for acting in a certain manner without giving any reason.

Anyways, being completely honest makes it terribly simple to love a person. I don't care what usage of love you are thinking of, but I mean sharing everything with a person. I have this feeling with so many people. I share everything with more people than most. These are the people that I love. I'm sure that they love me too. Many couples stagnate when there's nothing left to talk about. Some would say the love is gone. Still, I have tons of things I still need to say to my best friends even though I've been unloading everything on them for years and years. I think this shows love. I've said everything to them, but I still have so many things to say. The difference is that when someone is around you all the time, it's easy to forget that there are things you haven't talked about. There are always random discussion topics. There's always that ability to think back to something you haven't remembered in years and just bring it up arbitrarily in a conversation. If you can't think of things then just google "discussion topics." It returns rather interesting results. There are so many things that I never thought to remember. Do you guys remember Dr. Suess books? Have you talked to anyone about them recently? What about getting lost in stores as a child? Was there ever a time that you had a unexpectedly great or shitty day at an amusement park? Have you ever just sat down and had an argument over the merits of chocolate vs. vanilla? I personally love both and could run both sides of that debate. Then again, there's the "flavorless" sweet cream ice cream. It's kind of amazing how good plain frozen milk tastes. Just remember that there's always something to talk about. If you can't think of anything, it's probably because your mind is full of all the wonderful things about the person you're with. Either that, or you're just trying to hard to think.

I think that it's important to keep putting all of yourself into a person. You'd be surprised how much they don't know about you. You'd be surprised how interested most people are in finding out about you. Just give it a shot. Open yourself to the world.

Sarcasm!

I like it. Sarcasm. I like sarcasm a lot. I use sarcasm a lot. I find though, that it's important that people understand when I use sarcasm. I know a person who can never tell when I'm being sarcastic. This was bad. Whenever I talked to her, she thought I was incredibly offensive. She thought I was seriously when I said that stupid people should go die. She also thought that I took everything terribly personally all the time. I'm surprised that she could survive having taken everyone at exactly their words. I feel that she would be left much too gullible.

So... I say things in a way that is incredibly offensive to tons of people. People who don't know me well find me to be a judgmental and arrogant. People who are closer to me think I'm nice and friendly. People who are even closer to me know that at heart I'm really just judgmental and arrogant. My sarcasm is sometimes a front, but other times it is truthful. This is to keep all my friends on their toes. Actually... only a few people can actually tell every time I'm being sarcastic, even in my close circle of friends. Sometimes it surprises me, but then again, there are still times when even I don't catch the sarcasm of others. This upsets me every time it happens. I wish I was more sarcasm aware.

Anyways, I think sarcasm is part of my whole hipster persona. I'm not actually hipster (in my opinion), but I have been described as such. There are many attributes I have that do contribute to the hipster image. For one, there's the whole sarcasm thing. On top of that I feel the need to be the first or best at everything. Competition is just one of those things that is inherent in my nature. However, the other part of it is that I have the need to be influential. I feel influential if I have persuaded certain people to certain activities or likes and dislikes. This is the case if I am the first to show my friends something cool. This is why I feel the need to have a strong indie cred. It's not that I wanna be cool, but that I want to fell like my friends like having me around because I introduce them to things that they like. I like feeling important. And to some extent, I think we all do.

Goodnight. And tomorrow, go out and make the world different, because you're in it.

Weekends and Megaman

Could anything be more depressing than a college kid who dislikes Fridays? I seriously wish the weekends could remain farther away. It's mostly because I don't find the school work any more difficult on weekdays and classes are often a joke, but my friends who go home for the weekend, I wish I didn't have to live without.

This weekend is especially annoying. Not only do I have to miss some friends, but I also have to miss some food. It's Yom Kippur and as a good Jew I have to fast. I don't mind fasting, but I need to find something to occupy my time with. The tradition is to fill that time with Torah study. I don't have any Torah to study, nor would I know where to start. Therefore, I think I might need to actually do my homework. I probably will end up procrastinating it like usual, but I wish it was not so, if only because of the fact that it's a holiday when we're supposed to study.

Anyways, I really wish that I had a more active social life. Sometimes I don't mind all the free time, but other times I wish it was just filled with more stuff. I guess boredom isn't that terrible of a fate, but it certainly isn't fun.

Anyways, I'm gonna feature another old school game because I like those things and I feel that they all need a bit of love.

I played through the first 3 or 4 Megaman games for the first time over this past summer. It was certainly an interesting experience. After having played many Megaman X and Zero games, the first Megaman games weren't as difficult as I had been led to believe. It's true that there's no dash or charge shot, but the simplicity actually means that it's no surprise when you meet the next piece of the stage. When playing Megaman X there were times, not often but there, when I didn't know how to get a particular secret or powerup. I did not have those moments in the original Megaman games. If there was an obstacle, you could either press A or press B and get through it pretty adequately. I was happy in the third (I think) where the slide was added into the games. I was waiting for it, but I wasn't sure when it would show up. The charge shot, for which I knew Megaman, only appeared in the 4th game (again... I think). This surprised me quite a bit. I was also surprised to discover that the first game didn't have the stereotypical 8 bosses, but instead 6. Though, they did have a couple terribly hard stages. After a play through, the whole thing became easy to repeat. I find that the first Megaman game was very much a memorization platformer. You had to remember where to jump just as much as you needed to time or place your jumps. I know I'm not saying it properly, but I mean that I need to remember where to jump. I can't just watch and jump in real time. These games were good. I wouldn't recommend them over newer Megaman games, which is strange because I tend to love retro games. Though, I would recommend Megaman games in general and I wouldn't say it a bad thing to play the first few games. I actually find them solid games and entertainment if you have nothing but a Nintendo emulator and tons of free time.

Too much Stimuli

Rargh... I wasn't planning on not updated yesterday, but I didn't realize that I wasn't going to get home until about 1 in the morning. I went to a concert. Actually, I was invited to a concert. I think it's the first time I've been asked on a date. I personally love the fact that I know a girl who is willing to ask out a guy on a date, rather than waiting for the guy to ask her out. Well... I did ask her out first, but I'm not one for waiting and watching and subtlety. I tend to just go out and do stuff. I do observe, but only when I don't have anything to actively accomplish.

The concert I went to featured a band named Ludo. There were other bands there too, but they aren't the ones that we went for. The band is really awesome, and all of its members are pretty cool dudes. (Resisting the urge to meme all over that sentence(That's what she said?). Okay, back to maturity.) The band members all came out after the show and talked to their fans. I was really surprised cause the singer acted like a douche on stage, but then was completely not a douche when talking to his fans. I guess he just has a stage presence that he kind of makes up. It isn't surprising that he does this. It just didn't register to me that he did.

Rargh. All this talk of bands makes me want to have music, but I think it would be pointless without a music player. I still want an Archos 5. On top of that, I would like a pair of Grado's SR60i with which to listen to my Archos 5. Most of Grado's products are wood paneled, which would make me feel awesome, but I recognize that the money I'd have to put into that wouldn't be worth it. The money I would put into a pair of SR60i would be worth it. They look awesome, and I've heard that they sound awesome too. I really have this strong urge to buy them. I've only heard good reviews.

One thing that really shouldn't factor into headphones buying but does is aesthetics. I know a lot of people find skullcandy headphones to look pretty and sound great. I really don't agree with the looking pretty part. The sounding great part, I can't rightly say since I haven't listened to them. Then again, I haven't listened to a pair of SR60i either. All I'm going on hear is reviews. I guess for the 30$ price point skullcandy has, it isn't a bad set of phones. Still, I have to believe that the 80$ cost for the Grado cans gives at least 50$ more worth of quality. Well, I don't have to, but I want to. It would make me feel better in justifying an 80$ purchase. Still, I need a music player before I can even begin to justify more money spending. I already have a headset for my computer. Getting headphones on top of that would seem just... stupid to me. Also, my headset is a nice pair of 60$ turtle beach cans with an adjustable mic boom and active noise canceling. This makes games much better. For music, I don't want to block out the world. I like the idea of still being able to hear friends while listening to my music. I feel differently about games. When I play games, I really want nothing to distract me. Games are important to me. Perhaps they are more important than they should be.

In summary, I need music, but I need a music player to justify music. I need cans, but I'd need a music player to justify those too. However, the music player I'm looking at is too expensive to justify. Therefore, I have to wait for a large sum of money to randomly come my way so that I can buy all 3 of these things. Then I can be the snooty hipster that I've always wanted to be (/sarcasm). Then I'd be less bored walking between classes or in other forms of transition between locations. Also, this summary is getting too long so... by for now.

Dexter Plug

I enjoy Dexter. I might enjoy this TV show a little too much. I certainly hope it doesn't say too much about my personality. I think the problem is that I agree with the show a little too often. The world could definitely be a better place if a couple of the people in it were missing.

One thing I noticed about the way I watch shows is that I continually put myself into the shoes of my favorite character of the show. Dexter happens to be my favorite character in Dexter. This doesn't mean that I go around killing people, but more that I think more objectively. I also replicate his stride to some extent. Watching this show makes me take his presence, while not reproducing all of the same actions that he does. I don't have to commit murders to feel emotionless.

One of the things that I noticed about Dexter is that he does have emotions. At least, he has had emotions recently, and he really doesn't seem to know what to do about it. I don't even know if he recognizes they're there. In fact, from re-watching the show with friends, I notice that he's had emotions since the beginning. They become more evident later on, but they don't just appear from nowhere. This reminds me of the movie Equilibrium (also worth a plug at some point). They all say that they have no emotion, but even the people who are on the special medication show happiness or depression. They just stifle it harshly. I believe this is kind of like what Dexter does. He doesn't actively suppress it, like the drug in Equilibrium does, but he tends towards behaviors that are wholly logical and this pushes out any chance of expression for the emotions that he does have.

Many have labeled Dexter a psychopath. This bothers me. Why is thinking something out logically make a person a psychopath? Most smart people already think they're above the law. The next step is only getting away with it. I know many smart people who do drugs because they know that they won't get caught. The only difference between them and Dexter is that Dexter knows how to not get caught for crimes a little more difficult to pull off. I don't see why executing justice can be considered a bad trait in a person.

Obviously, I don't agree with serial killers in general. Most serial killers have no moral reason for picking their victims. Many times the logic of a psychopathic murderer doesn't resemble our own logic. However, Dexter's logic not only resembles ours, but resembles the logic we sometimes wish we had. Dexter's emotionless is something many of us couldn't live with, but I still posit that he isn't emotionless, but has a very good control of his emotions. This is certainly something that many of us have wished to have at one point or another. I mean, his emotional control is the reason for his logical nature; the bits and pieces of him that look so desirable.

So here I stand, claiming that we all have a little Dexter in us all the time. We all have a little piece of logic that shines out even in the most stressful times of life. There is even a darkness inside each of us. I think it's amazing that Dexter can analyze situations so perfectly most of the time, even accounting for human psychology, but still can't see that he's not that different from other people. He just knows how to get away with it better. He continually tells himself that no one is like him, but he's not the messed up one. The people that he takes out are the messed up ones. He's just a cleaner of the scum of the earth. Dexter is an inspiration. He doesn't inspire me to kill, but to make the world a better place. Dexter is a positive influence and should be a staple of any TV viewer's diet. Watch it.

2 Week Hiatus

I was gone for a while. I did not die moving in. I was not crushed by a futon. I just had things to do. Sorry about being absent on a 2 week hiatus. It wasn't planned. It should have been, but I really underestimated how hard getting back to work can be. All that homework and stuff just started. There was no slow moving back into the school year, but rather 5 professors all giving me several hours worth of work a night. For some reason, I don't believe that they understand that I have other classes. Maybe it's because they consistently do only the work for their own class. I'd like to see professors have to go to other classes while teaching their own and not complain about the workload.

Many things have happened these past two weeks. I moved back into college dorms and got myself a new roommate. I didn't just meet him, because we've been planning to room together for quite a while now. Still, it took some convincing to get our room in order. Now the futon is all set up and both of the beds are lofted. I would really prefer if the projector was already set up, but I not surprised that it hasn't been mounted yet. I wonder if the power cord is long enough to reach where we want to put it. It should be, but I'd rather not just assume it is, because it's still possible that it isn't. Once that's done, I'll be showing fun shows to lots of people whom I want to hang out with more often.

This reminds me. The number of friends that I have has gotten larger. Lucy called me early on and invited me over a few times. I have been hanging out with her more often than last semester, but I don't know if it's her fault. It could easily be her roommate's fault. These are two of the people whom I hang out with considerably more than previously. There are also many new freshmen on our floor and I'm really not complaining about them. Most of them are pretty cool dudes. My roommate complains about the fact that they're all dudes, but I really like not having to fend of girls with a stick every time I return to my room from the shower. That would require actually bringing a stick with me to the shower, which would be awkward.

Regardless, I also have been playing less games and watching less TV shows. This makes it harder to review things. However, I have caught up on all 4 seasons of Dexter. I've been debating a Dexter plug (cynical way to say feature), but the series is still on going, so I don't know how proper my review would be. I think I'll do it anyways because the show definitely is good enough to merit the growth in audience.

Speaking of watching shows, my friend Scott got my Linux partition working a ton better than it did previously. Now I can actually play TF2 in Linux! Have I made a TF2 plug yet? I suppose I should get to that soon enough. TF2 is worth at least 5 or 6 plugs, but I have a feeling that people would be upset with me if I did that many.

But speaking of Linux partitions working, one thing that used to only be semi functional was the flash playing ability of Linux computers. Somehow, Scott's fix made my flash player work at crystal clarity. It runs full speed with no skipping (which used to be a very large issue). It's almost like a new computer. I also got my touchpad to start functioning again after a bug that seemed to plague all Lucid Lynx installations of HP laptops. The last issue with my Linux partition is that window borders randomly disappear, but the quick fix to that is to reload the window manager. I think it happened because my Linux wasn't sure whether it was using Compiz or Metacity. Selecting either one fixes the problem. If this means nothing to you then... well I'm not surprised. It means very little to me, other than the fact that I can have multiple desktops with pretty window animation and that when people are looking over my shoulder I can piss them off by making my desktop rain. This makes more sense than you think it does. Trust me.

I've gotten off track twice now, but the flash player working in Linux is actually really great. Since my desktop computer is all pushed into a corner, it isn't very personable. However, I can set up the laptop anywhere that is convenient. This means that I have tons of freedom to watch shows where ever and whenever I want, which leads to watching as many shows as I used to, and therefore having just as many reviews. This could be good or bad, depending on my commitment to finishing work before watching random stuff on the internet. It also depends on my getting a decent pair of headphones, and how visible they are in class. I might be a problem if I spend all my time on Toradora or Fruits Basket. I know these are both "girly" shows, but they have both caught my interest. No one ever did tell me the premise to them before, but then again, I never really asked.

Also exciting in the past 2 weeks is that I got delicious candies. Milkita's are like tootsie rolls, but for people who like good chocolate. This may be judgmental of me, but I really do believe that tootsie rolls don't use the best of chocolate (even they even use chocolate at all) in their production. I'm also pretty sure that these Milkita candies do use real chocolate, because the taste difference is like the difference between Hershey's and Milka's Alpenmilch. That, for all you confused people, is a chocolate bar that frequents the shops of Germany and makes it a much happier country than the one I currently live in. If Milka was introduced to America, policies would be changed. Grumpiness would no longer be allowed, but it wouldn't matter because no one would have any reason to be grumpy anymore. They'd all have German chocolate, and that would be all that matters. Basically, candy who's name starts with "milk" is an influential factor in my life. I wonder if that's a bias... I surely hope it is, because I don't mind loving things with milk in them.

Til the morrow, when I'll hopefully remember to post again...