French Toast

This here is an important post. Remember it well. French toast is a time honored tradition full of deliciousness and cinnamon. I'm hoping you all found that last sentence to be redundant. Otherwise, please get out of my kitchen right now. You have no taste and do not deserve any of the delicacies that I design and bring into being.

So, I hope you all understand how french toast works. It really isn't hard. There's eggs, bread, and butter. These are the main ingredients. But just these 3 things will never come together into a fine piece of culinary art.

I don't love ingredient lists because people tend to skip over recipes if they don't have everything on the list, but they're standard for shopping trip so here goes. And remember, you don't need everything here. My dad made french toast with no milk the other day and it was still quite delicious.
A loaf of bread
4 eggs
A half a cup of milk (that's 4 tablespoons, right?)
Butter, about a stick of the stuff
Some salt
Some pepper if you like the stuff
Some nutmeg
Some sugar
Some cinnamon (If you skip out on any part, please don't make it this one. You can have cinnamon-less french toast, but it's like soulless love. Something is just.... missing.)

On this list, when it says some, if you are just scraping the bottom of the barrel for the last little bit, you probably still have enough of it. Just make due with what you have.

The bread should be sliced. If not, then slice it. I don't care how thick you slice it, as long as you slice it. Loaves of bread make terrible french toast. Note, however, that thicker slices will need to soak longer. So, sandwich sized slices tend to work out quite well.

Now that the bread is all in order, you'll want to deal with the eggs. Put about 4 eggs (minus the shells) into a bowl. Stir with a fork. This is a fun part. I enjoy scrambling eggs in a bowl. Yum! Killing chicken fetuses really whets my appetite for breakfast. Then put in about half a teaspoon of salt (normally chefs tell you not to add salt to eggs until they're almost done cooking, but french toast doesn't work as well with salt as an after addition), an eighth of nutmeg, and another eighth of pepper. I hate chefs telling you to use "a pinch" but that actually would be good terminology here. However, I included measurements in case you are "pinch" incompatible. Stir some more. It's great fun! Add a teaspoon of milk per egg (this recipe works even if you want to expand it because it doesn't give amount of milk, but milk to egg proportions!) to the mixture and stir again. Yes, there is a lot of stirring, but I certainly believe it's worth it.

Now take a medium or large pan and melt butter in it. The amount of butter depends on the size of the pan. This could be anywhere from a quarter stick to a full stick. You're the one that knows if you're on a diet, so modify accordingly (This means less for smaller pans and more weight conscious people). While that is melting you have to make a decision. Do you think you suck at cooking? I don't want you to tell me, I just want to know for these next instructions. If you're worried about burning the butter, then add a tablespoon of oil. Either corn, vegetable, or olive will be fine. I'm not a fan of canola oil, but if you like it then go ahead. This heightens the burning point of all those lipid substances in the pan. It will change the taste a little, but not enough to make most people care. This distinction here is whether you care more about not burning food, or staying truer to your goal flavor. It's a very light distinction, so don't sit on it too long. At least decide before th butter starts to burn.

Now it's time to put the bread in the eggs. Your hands will get messy. If you didn't wash them before you started, definitely do it now. Let them soak until the butter has finished melting. Maybe a little longer if they don't feel floppy when you try to move them. It should be slightly difficult to keep them in one piece depending on the bread you use, but don't let that discourage you. Broken french toast is still delicious french toast. Put the floppiness into the pan. Fit as many as you can in while leaving a gap between the pieces. Don't try to do them all at once. Now, wash your hands again so you can pick up the spatula. Wait a couple minutes and then flip them over. Once you flip those over put the next few slices of bread into the egg mixture. Timing here is crucial. If you mess up one nanosecond the entire recipe will be ruined! Melodramatic time is over. Your french toast will be fine. Once you remove the first set of french toast you can put on the second. Then isn't much need to re-butter the pan, but I suppose you can if you love fat that much. Glutton... Yay demeaning my readers! That's the way to get more hits. So then, repeat this frying and soaking process until you run out of either egg mixture or bread. You should have enough to feed 3 or 4 people if it was the egg that you ran out of first. Or, you could feed me. I would love you forever. It's true.

The last step here is crucial. I'm not joking this time. Take a small bowl and put in about 2 tablespoons sugar to 1 cinnamon. Stir with that tablespoon you used for measuring. Now take spoonfuls of this wonderful spice and gently sprinkle it over the french toast. You can go overboard with this stuff, but it takes quite a bit to do so considering how delicious it is.

If you have leftover bread you can put it away. If you have leftover egg mixture than you can make some scrambled eggs.

I look forward to you guys making this. Everyone puts a personal spin on french toast eventually, considering that after a couple months of cooking most people find it elementary. Just tell me what you put on french toast so I can duplicate and eat your designs. Actually, I would prefer you making it yourself, as no chef can follow a recipe as well as the chef who made it, but if you won't come over to my house I'll settle for just seeing it. And make french toast for your friends. It is one of the most delicious breakfasts ever when made properly. Then you can tell them where you learned to make your toast so frenchy and delicious and my readership will double! Unless of course you all have more than one friend. Well, enjoy!