Single

It really happened. She broke up with me. Waterworks ensued. I have been called a girl in the past, and not I can do nothing but agree. I can't believe it. I loved her. I still do. I love her. I guess sometimes there's just nothing I can do. She's independent and irrational. I give everything a reason and always make sure someone is on my side.

There are so many things I shared with her, and so many she shared with me and the only thing I can't believe is that it's over. It really is done. Why is it done? Because we aren't compatible. I... Well I guess I don't give up.

I noticed she was avoiding me all day and I talked to my friends. I told them, the only thing that would upset me is if I wasn't surprised when she does it. That would be now. I'm really not surprised now. I expected it all day, but mostly since the AMV contest. It was when she pushed my hand away when I tried to hold hers. That was when I knew. I knew she was upset. About the argument we just had? No. We didn't argue about anything that was important to her. It was the arguing itself. And not this arguing, the fact that I always need to figure it out. Sometimes, it just doesn't need to be figured out.

I still can't believe it. I can understand it and rationalize it, but... To me, it's unbelievable. I just wish she cried too so I wouldn't be alone. Alone sucks. Single sucks. That's why I continually try to un-be single. And then attempt to be not single. I know it really won't work, especially if I couldn't fit with her, but I thought love was enough. I guess it isn't. I guess sometimes you need something else too. I just wish it would be enough.

So there it is. Me, alone, crying myself to sleep, with no one here to console me. Otakon is mean to me. I don't like it anymore. Rargh.